Thursday, October 22, 2015

Stuff and Crap

Both Matt's and my most recent skin biopsies were benign.  He got a phone call.  I had to wait a week and a half for a letter.  Each day was more anxiety ridden.  Itchy, itchy, itchy.

Now Mimi's hot water tank is leaking.  I don't know if she's called a plumber yet.  I strongly suspect if I call her or when we ask this weekend, she'll have no idea what I'm talking about.

I'm knitting a Gryffindor scarf for Josh.  It's in a bulky yarn.  It is thick, heavy, warm and will be extra long.  If he wears it with as much dedication as the last scarf I knit him, he'll wear it out within a year.

Matthew received a 100% on his Hunger Games AR test.  It might have been the fastest he's ever read a book.  He's started the first Harry Potter.  He was tired of being the only muggle in the family.

Josh has been in the enrichment group in math for this chapter.  He aced the pretest on multiplication.  He is very proud of himself.  He still doesn't like math.

I had a bad day at work yesterday.  I walked in to a pile of junk on my table.  Racks for file cabinets that nobody knew where to put.  But none of the supplies I requisitioned.  I have no idea where they ended up.  This isn't new.  I was the first to set up my whole corner of the room, but the easel I had was moved.  I had to wait for another to be ordered.  I spent a good amount of time laminating and cutting and sorting all of the enlarged poetry books for binding.  Yet, when we ran short because not enough were copied to include the Americorp volunteers, I didn't get any.  I had to make new ones.  The day after I got my easel the hooks holding the back board were removed because someone else needed hooks.  I got those back, but I think it was because I didn't do so well hiding that I was pissed off.

Back to yesterday, there was also a stack of assessments on my chair.  Apparently I was left out of the loop when the plan was made to spend yesterday doing all of the reassessments.  I suspect it was discussed after the meeting on Monday, which I had to leave on time from in order to see my skills group.  It was very frustrating.  I felt very unprofessional having to cancel my kindergarten group on short notice.  I already lose Friday with them, so to lose a second day this week after I was finally starting to see some momentum was irksome.  Since I couldn't pull the two grade levels until after 1:15, which meant after 2:15 since I'm in math during that time, I knew I'd never get through the stack.  No matter what arguments were made to the contrary.  And I didn't.  I worked right up until the switch back to homeroom for dismissal, was brisk and short instead of warm and friendly with each kid and I still have over half the 4th grade to finish.  Fortunately, I was given the okay to wait until Friday to do it, when I won't be able to meet with my kindergartners anyways.  Matt wanted me to evaluate the work load distribution.  The entire team worked to do the 3rd and 4th am classes and second grade.  I was delegated to do all of the 3rd and 4th pm classes.  In the past, we did the reassessments of our own assigned groups.  The fact that we'd have to divvy up 3rd and 4th since we don't service them wasn't a surprise.  That it was decided we'd do it Wednesday was news to me when I walked in at 11:30.  There was no attempt at communicating this to me and the fact that I was frustrated at having to scramble to make this adjustment was apparently annoying and stupid.  ....The door isn't sound proof, especially if you have only just shut it behind you.

I told Matt last night that I don't think it matters how many people might be hired after me, I will always be low man on the totem pole.  First day last year,  as soon as the lead and principal weren't around, the first statement or question directed at me was "How did YOU get this job?" Not my emphasis.  Followed by "Who do you know?"  The implication that I don't belong really hasn't left if I can't even get the box of paperclips I requisitioned.  Working my ass off doesn't make a difference.  Picking up slack or taking on the tasks no one else wants doesn't help.  It just proves that at 36 I'm just as socially awkward and backasswards as I've ever been.  I'm always just left of center and outside the circle.

The fact that my stress levels are already nearly maxed out doesn't make any of the work stuff easier to bear.  But the necessary budget meeting aside, there's a trip to JoAnn's in my future, which is good for my coping skills.


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